Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Anti-Bride

Remember this post from forever ago? No? Figures. It took me a while to dig back into the archives and dust it off. And if you do remember the post, which part was most memorable? For me, it was the wood-fired oven and the Frank Lloyd Wright house. But if you read the little side note at the end, you'd probably find out that I also told you we got engaged. In Chicago. In the rain. In Millennium Park. It was one of those little side notes that wasn't super important, but I figured you all would love to know. And I wrote that post, oh you know, almost two years ago. No biggie. Post engagement photo? This is as exciting as it gets.

At this point, some of you are probably suddenly remembering that Oh yeah, she did get engaged. So when is the wedding? Truth? I hate weddings. I suppose I am the epitome of the anti-bride. While others have been planning their weddings since they were a little girl, I have thought absolutely nothing of it. And quite frankly, I get sick of the question, "So have you set a date yet?" followed by the maniacal laughing as if it is the funniest joke that has ever been told.

Here's my thing. I'm not a lovey dovey, gushy mushy type of person. I hate ceremonies of all kinds. I am not religious. I am a complete introvert. Getting married is about me and Andrew, not our family and friends. Yup. I just said that last bit. And I'm not afraid to say it again. It's all about us! So why should I have to have this ginormous wedding just for the sake of friends and family? Why would I want a church wedding? Why would I want to partake in a huge ceremony? And why would I want to be in front of dozens upon dozens of people proclaiming my love from now until forever?

Here's another thing. I did a little research and found this awesome site. Click the link and you'll see that on average, a wedding in Baltimore costs between $18,000 and $31,000. Ummm, excuse me? Say that again? You mean a wedding in this city would most likely cost me more than I paid for my car? I don't think so!

With that same money, I could travel around the world for several months. Or I could purchase ten round trip tickets to Sydney, Australia. And I've been dying of homesickness (even though it's not my original home) since I left Australia after living there in 2005. I think that sort of experience is much more warranted when it comes to celebrating spending the rest of your life with another person.

Speaking of spending the rest of your life with another person, why is it that it is only socially accepted that marriage is what must happen? I think I got more congratulations from our engagement than when we moved in together five years prior. We like to do things backwards-- we moved in together, we got a dog together, we bought a house together, then we got engaged a while later. However, just because getting engaged was the last of these things to happen did not mean that we had already planned on being together for the rest of our lives.

Actually, we got engaged several years prior at one of our favorite bars as we discussed that we would eventually get married. I think Andrew asked me if I'd marry him, and I'm pretty sure I said yes and told him that I should wear a twisty tie on my ring finger from here on out. All joking aside, we are partners in crime for life and always knew that. So why the formality? Well, health insurance benefits would be pretty nice I suppose if I go self-employed. And it is probably a good idea to have all of that legal stuff worked out. However, it all seems a bit of, well, a formality.

So how are we going to get married? We plan on going to the courthouse. I don't really know when-- probably sooner than later. Then, we're going to have a giant cookout with cornhole and beer and grilling and invite our closest family and friends. There. I've planned my wedding! Now for those of you that keep asking about if we've set the date-- you'll know as soon as I do! ;)


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11 comments:

  1. I work in a courthouse now, and the best and brightest days are when a wedding party comes in. If I had to do it all over, I'd very likely consider the courthouse. I want to be the sunshine in the elevator that just beams, "I'm getting married today y'all! (and you're just going to work)."

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  2. You know, if I could go back and do it over again, I think we would elope. I originally just wanted to have a dinner party at a restaurant, but we ended up with a "traditional" wedding (thanks to a lot of family pushing). It was still a lot of fun, but we never look back on the specific day. We just talk about how great it is to be married, because that was the whole point. I hope you just surprise us with a picture from the court house one day! That would be perfect.

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  3. You know that we did the small wedding thing (only 33 in attendance at a dinner ceremony) but my husband would have totally opted for the courthouse thing. That was his plan, but I really wanted to have our closest family there, and I'm glad we did. But in no way could I see spending the amounts of money on a wedding that people do today. My friend just designed invites for a NYC wedding that I could have bought 3 houses with the money they spent. HOUSES!!

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  4. Yes to everything you just wrote...except it's even more expensive in DC. Peter and I have been together for over 15 years, and I'm pretty sure no one's ever congratulated us on anything-lol. I was at a wedding not too long ago, and I was listening to the preacher who was talking about the couple starting their life together, all that stuff, and I was thinking that if Peter and I were to ever get married, nothing that preacher was saying even applies to us. We "started our life together" like 16 years ago. We've already been through the "sickness and health" "for richer or poorer" (well, mostly poorer-haha), lost loved ones, all the trials and tribulations of marriage (except the shitty ones where people cheat on each other and don't treat each other well). Anyway, I can't imagine ever having a traditional wedding.

    I also hate most ceremonies--I didn't even go to my grad school graduation because I figured at that point I'd already endured enough graduation ceremonies in my life. We were all mailed our diplomas later so I was like what's the point?

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  5. hahaha..this reminds me of my post from last week!I'm not a girly girl and from a young age I always said I wouldn't marry or have children. For some reason I thought the idea of being a spinster was cool and liberating. Of course fast forward 15 years my points of view have changed slightly.

    I don't think getting married is as important as finding someone that will tolerate your behind for a long time. I also don't think that weddings are that important either. I mean if you want a big party why wait until you are married? I feel that industry pushes women to have this grand affair like they are little princesses.

    Both my boyfriend and I have parents that got married so quickly several times and feel that there is no need to rush until we are absolutely sure we want to bind ourselves together like that. That being said i'm pretty sure we knew after 2years that this person isn't going anywhere. He's stuck with me like glue.


    My mom is trying to push me to wait until I am married to have children(which I probably won't do) so I joked with her saying that I'm going to wait until my kids are teenagers before I get married. She shut up after that comment.

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  6. Yes, yes, yes. I actually want to have a typical wedding someday, because it is the PRICE that bothers me so much more than the actual ceremony. I like weddings, I just don`t think they are worth $30,000 when half of that is spent on a random hall and the rest of linens and chairs and flowers? Who cares!! I can spend $500 and throw an epic cottage weekend for my friends & I, so for 5 or ten thousand, I would expect to throw a TRULY awesome party.

    Some Snapshots Blog
    Jess

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  7. I am totally not a wedding person. I don't even like going to them. I don't like dressing up and I hate being the center of attention. I actually never even wanted to get married until my husband. We woke up one morning and went to the courthouse. He wore his favorite Steelers jersey and I wore a Doctor Who tshirt. We giggled through the entire thing and made jokes about sandwiches because we were both starving. It was perfect.

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  8. Weddings are such a racket. Granted I had a wedding but I refused to have it in a church (husband and I are not religious), invited only family and friends we actually talk to on a regular basis and invited more friends to the best part, the dancing and drinking! Good for you for sticking to your guns. And is that we celebrate engagements more than anything else, like moving in? I feel that you know you know and that should be all that matters!

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  9. HAHA This cracks me up because this whole time I've just assumed you were married :).

    I agree with you. If I hadn't been planning my wedding since I was like 8 years old, I'd consider going the small, private route. The more I watch my friends' parents spend $20,000+ on their weddings, the more I figure I'll never be able to afford it (I'd bet a million dollars my parents haven't saved a penny for it).

    Congratulations on one day (maybe soon), never having to answer "When's the big day?" haha

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  10. Here we go again...that talk about us being separated at birth or something. Right there with you. Although D and I had a short engagement (but longish dating span), I totally was never into weddings. We totally did the same...move in together, pets, traveling together, then engagement. It didn't hurt the fact that no one was giving us upwards of $10,000 (which is cheap in the realm of weddings...but actually no one gave us any money really) nor getting ourselves in debt over that! I'm with ya. We did the courthouse, then "eloped" (which was just another excuse to travel really), then just threw a party. The party planning was enough stress (which we prob spent $500...but we were lucky D is in the beer business). Courthouse all the way!!!

    Ps. I rarely hear brides say it was worth it. So many usually tell me they wish they would have eloped...

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