It has been refreshing for me to write about things that I truly believe and experience and have others relate to me about this. This was definitely the case last week when I wrote about how I think
babies are aliens and my hatred for mom blogs. I think I finally just got to the point where I said, screw it! I'm writing about what I want to write about even if some may feel offended. And you know what? It feels pretty good.
I think I finally let go. I let go of any sort of weird feelings about what I was "supposed" to be writing about. For me, letting go is one of the hardest things to do. I remember my parents constantly telling me to "just let it go" while growing up. I couldn't let go then, and I still have a hard time doing it now.
When talking about letting go, I think about two Christmases ago. I had finally come up with the best idea for a Christmas gift for Andrew. These sorts of ideas are few and far between and it was the best idea for a gift that I'd ever had. I was going to give him a home brew kit. He'd been talking about brewing for about a year and I knew he would never see it coming. I spent hours doing research, but simply didn't know enough to get all of the supplies he needed on my own. I decided that we could go together and pick the supplies out together. Instead, as a lead in to the ultimate gift, I gave him a super fancy schmancy bottle opener along with the explanation that it would be for opening his home brew bottles once we went to get the brewing kit.
The next day, we drove up to Cleveland to Andrew's parents' house for Christmas. We sat in the living room and exchanged gifts. The final gift was one given to Andrew. As soon as he opened it, my heart sank. His parents had given him a home brew kit. Andrew didn't say a word about my gift. He just excitedly thanked his parents. An hour later, Andrew and I were in the car driving to meet up with a college friend of ours for dinner. I told him how upset I was that my Christmas present was ruined and that I wished he would have at least said something to his parents. I couldn't blame his parents-- how were they supposed to know that they had had the same idea for a gift?
In the car, I was literally in tears over this. My gift was meant to be something that we could do together which made me even more bummed about the whole thing. I couldn't let go of the fact that Andrew didn't even mention my gift to his parents. A little over a year later, and I still have a hard time letting go of the fact that Andrew never told his parents about this. Sometimes, when he's brewing a new batch of beer, I actually tell him, "I can't believe you never told your parents about my Christmas gift." In some ways, it felt like he hadn't stuck up for me, and I just couldn't let go.
I know it's not healthy. It's not ok to keep bringing up something of the past or to dwell over something that is probably so trivial. But I struggle. I constantly struggle. I have a hard time letting go of the fact that Andrew never told his parents. That the resource teachers at my school often get the day off from classes when we have an early release day and I lose a planning period. That a friend made plans with me and canceled at the last minute. That I had to leave an entire grocery cart full of items at Sam's Club because their debit card machines weren't working and I didn't have cash (true story and I couldn't stop talking about it for the rest of the day, poor Andrew, and I still hate going to Sam's because of this). That the lady at the post office told me she wouldn't sell me regular forever stamps for international mail.
I can't let go. I try really, really hard, but somehow it just doesn't work. I've gotten better. Much, much better, but I still constantly struggle with this. However, I have to say that after getting all of these trivial events off of my chest I finally think that I have let go.
Do you struggle with letting go of things? What helps you cope with letting go?
While I suspect, my "grudge" (although I don't even feel it's that extreme) has mostly been let go of, I had a Christmas present gone bad too. This was like...4 years ago? 5? Anyhow, D had been hinting that he wanted a gaming system...one that I could not even afford. No clue why he would even hint/suggest it. But I came up with a record player. I thought it was brilliant! He had wanted one for a while and it was in my price range. Cue to Christmas day, I am literally crying over this. In the end, he ended up returning the record player (which, to be fair, didn't even sit level) and buying himself that damn gaming system. Luckily it kind of ended up being a joke {maybe} that I would bring up for the next few years...asking him if he was going to suggest a $1000 item or something insane. Although we all know jokes have some truth/resentment to them often.
ReplyDeleteBut I may never fully let go of that. And we never have gotten a record player...
Ps. I can always seem to relate to your "real life" posts! Thanks for posting more about these type of things!
I suppose the reason Andrew didn't say anything is he didn't want to ruin two Christmases- yours and his parents- by telling them. Then they would have felt bad. It's common sense things like that that men do (mine does it ALL THE TIME) that drive me crazy. Don't they know we are emotional and are not going to think logically at a time like that??
ReplyDeleteBut really, I am the same way. I get very easily offended by things that I suppose I shouldn't. When I was little my mother told me I had a persecution complex- I thought everyone was out to ruin things on purpose. The hubs tells me the same thing now, but I can't help how I feel. I can't help but be disappointed or angry when something goes wrong.
Man, I wonder if this is why all of us are friends. I have a hard time letting things go, too, and while I know it's stupid to keep being irritated about something, I just can't help myself. I had a bad falling out with a friend from college and I still get crabby thinking about it. This was 5 years ago, mind you. And like you mentioned above, I can't stand it when people cancel plans, or are late to something we arranged. My parents were 45 minutes late to Christmas this year, without calling so say they were delayed, and it drove me absolutely crazy. I'm still annoyed. I'd like to think I'm getting slightly better with age, but I still have a long way to go.
ReplyDeleteInteresting post. I would say that I let things go pretty easily but I don't forget. I guess what I mean is I don't have a grudge when something happens but I certainly won't forget it and I will determine future interactions depending on the situation. The most recent situation I've had was my boyfriend's sister was very upset about how I 'acted' during a holiday visit in 2010. I didn't do anything particularly awful I just didn't do things the way she liked it. Instead of telling me how she felt she ignored me and then 3 months later told me how she felt. I tried to apologize but once again she didn't like the way I apologized and she flipped out at me. It became a really awful situation that has ruined her relationship with my boyfriend. Even after everything she has done and said to both me and my boyfriend over the past 3 years I still have told her, she is welcome in our home.
ReplyDeleteI feel holding grudges ruin you more than the person that caused the situation. I was angry at my boyfriend's sister for a long time because I felt that she was trying to break up our relationship because she couldn't get her way. I mean..she actually told my boyfriend(her brother) that he had to choose between me and her. Even after my boyfriend said he wasn't going to leave me because of his sister I was still upset and angry and that I was actually ruining our relationship. So.. that's when I realized that my grudge towards his sister was doing me more harm that it was to her. If we broke up then..she would have won right? I eventually got over it and I try to me relaxed and chill now about things.
I've had a couple conversations in just the last few days about the idea of "letting go". Basically but not "letting go" of something, someone, situation, etc. what are you getting out of it? How it is serving you? What did you want it to be like and why is it so hard to accept it?
ReplyDeleteI know for me, I've made a lot of progress in letting go. I see when I get frustrated and things are not going the way I want it to that I think, "Why did I think it was going to be different?" And learning to accept was is. To know that it's playing out this other way for a reason.I may not like it, but it's my choice if I want to hang on to it and be upset about it. Or I can practice accepting it and viewing it as a way for me to learn something. Asking, "What's the lesson here?"
Maybe with you in the situation with Andrew, great minds think alike! It doesn't mean that you both still can't spend time together brewing beer together. And what would telling his parents mean? I don't know, just some things to think about. Like these kinda posts because everyone can relate to it one way or another. It's a practice :)